Insecurities. Such nuisances, right?! We all have them though; we all suffer from them and unfortunately, we all try to pretend that we don’t have any. This, in my opinion, is the worst approach. Because let’s face it; one way or another, they’re gunna find ya, and they’re gunna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha… 🎵
I’ve decided to approach this a little bit similarly to some of my previous blog posts on perseverance and anxieties. It’s actually quite amazing how you will find an overlap of similar feelings and reactions in our body when we’re faced with moments of discomfort. Moments that cause us to feel anxious, to feel insecure, and sometimes for long periods of our life we need to persevere through these triggers that spike our anxiety and insecurity. However, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, so don’t lose hope. We can do this, together.
How you ask? Simple… with these 3 simple steps you will learn to divide and conquer all of your insecurities and soon, you’ll brush them off just as quick as they appeared.
3 STEPS TO DEALING WITH INSECURITIES
- Acknowledge and Recognise the Insecurity
- Acknowledge and Recognise that not everything is in your control
- Acknowledge and Recognise that this is a journey
1. Acknowledge & Recognise the insecurity
So, what is the insecurity? In order to deal with our insecurities, we need to identify them. Once we identify them, we can begin the work because in its identification we are enabled to find our way back to the source. And where the source is, is where we find the life supply. If we can find the life supply, we can cut it off and nip it right where it was planted. This allows us to free ourselves one insecurity at a time. BADABING!
Let’s be real, there are so many types of insecurities and there is no doubt about that, BUT; if you can learn to identify the little nuisances, we can move forward in our dealings with them. So, which is it? I’ve come up with a few of the main insecurities we face as humans in our daily lives and hopefully this can help you in identifying where your insecurity is rooted.
- Personal Insecurity
The personal insecurities are the most detrimental in my opinion, this is where we tear ourselves down to nothing instead of building ourselves up! Some of them might look or sound like the below.
Body Shaming and personal fears – no matter what kind, done so in a joking manner or even just a passing remark, this is murderous to our self-image. SHUT IT DOWN! You are beautiful no matter what anyone says even the mirror, and if they refuse to see it then leave them to walk their life blind to the wonders of creation – their loss! Our personal fears can also cause a lot of insecurities in life and it is up to us to face these fears and conquer them. This is definitely a difficult one to do, but once you start the process of overcoming your fear it is so rewarding and relieving letting go of unnecessary weight.
Abuse and betrayal – if you were in an abusive relationship or maybe you were betrayed by someone very close to you, or it could have been a toxic friendship, whatever it was or is, abuse and betrayal are two of the biggest breeders when it comes to insecurities. As a side note, abusive relationships are more than just physical, they are mentally abusing, emotionally abusing, and spiritually abusing – be aware of this as we can fall into a place of self-blaming for everything, and that is NOT a good idea! For more information on this topic, please take a look at WomensAid or MensAid and get educated.
- Social Insecurity
You may not feel secure in crowded environments or it could just be an anxiety of people not liking you. Social insecurity is a right pain and doesn’t help in the process of making friends, I’ll tell you that for nothing! Don’t like parties? Have you ever wondered why? Did something happen at a party that made you uncomfortable or maybe you worry your personality won’t match those of the other attendees? Social insecurity can be an awful one and it does nothing for our self-image.
- Performance or Professional Insecurity
Insecurities in this area often stem from childhood or early professional life experiences. Our parents can have a huge impact in our growth as adults just as much as they did when we were children. If you have qualms with your folks, sort this out, make peace and move on – together preferably and see how much more you grow. If you had a glowing childhood, parents could still apply good pressure on us to perform at our best, this can be an amazing technique of parenting; encouraging us to always try our best and improve ourselves. However, it is what happens to us when someone puts us down, for example a teacher or a boss, for an achievement that we would have been praised for previously by those who would be more compassionate towards us naturally.
- Economic and status insecurity
Having this insecurity can really affect our mental health in ways that are just so damaging to ourselves and the relationships we have with those around us. This can be a tricky one because you can have the likes of the over spender who throws money at worthless things and worries about it later, or you can have the opposite i.e someone who doesn’t spend a penny on anything and has piles stacked up at home. Both are forms of this insecurity! So be you a Scrooge or a Rebecca Bloomwood, this insecurity needs to be dealt with – asap!
Once we have identified the type of insecurity we are facing, we can then move on…
2. Acknowledge & Recognise that there are some things out of our control
This step is more focused on other people’s actions, rather than our consequent reactions. The sooner we can accept that we cannot control what happens around us, the sooner we can move on in our insecurities. It is an unfortunate thing to say that we can’t control what people will say about us behind our backs and even to our faces, or control whether they abuse us or not. It is even sad to say that we sometimes cannot control ourselves in these situations and end up feeling worse when we let them see us cry…
Wait up though, we’re not done, this is not a sad story or a ‘let’s just give up and give in’ to our insecurities, HECK NO! This is where we accept that the things we cannot control are to be just so, but it is also where we learn to take the reigns of what IS in our control! So, answer me this, and answer it good… what can we control?! Yep that’s exactly right! HOW WE LET ALL OF THESE THINGS AFFECT US! We can easily allow it to affect us negatively, by really getting down on ourselves and maybe even joining the bullies and insecurities in abusing ourselves. But what if we changed this routine? What if we decided, ‘Hey, I’m not giving up today! TODAY I’M TAKING BACK MY RIGHT TO BRUSH IT OFF!’
We can take back the power by simply choosing again, and I’ve read about this technique in Gabby Bernstein’s book ‘Super Attractor’. The Choose Again method allows us to recognise how we are feeling, ask ourselves why we are feeling that way and then choose again – so choose a different feeling or reach for a higher joyful feeling as Gabby talks about in the book. It is quite a difficult technique to start getting into the flow of but once you begin using it, choosing joy over sadness becomes easier and easier. We should allow ourselves the space to feel our low times too, but when we need to get out of them, this is a good technique to use.
Let me throw out an example. So I’m faced with a day that seems to be going perfectly so far and everything is rosie in the garden. It’s a beautiful sunny day and I decide to pop off to the shops for some ice-pops and other picnic type treats. In the shops, I bump into a bully from my past. Immediately, I feel threatened. I feel like I’m back in that period of my life and I freeze up. What do you think I should do?
I have 2 options here, I can allow the insecurities that were planted by this bully many years ago sink in and wreak havoc on my mind, or I can recognise the feeling, recognise the cause, and instead of giving it life, I can choose to be brave and face my fears. If you’re ever faced with this situation, it can be easily said than done to put a smile on your face and hold your head high, but trust me when I tell you that it’s the most empowering feeling you will ever experience! Knowing that you chose not to allow your past creep in on your sunny day and ruin it, knowing that you chose to be brave and smile rather than runaway and hide, knowing that you chose YOU over your insecurity is one of life’s greatest gifts. So, do me that favour and try it! Choose YOU over your insecurity!
3. Acknowledge & Recognise that this is a process!
And for my final step to dealing with insecurities…
Acknowledge and Recognise that this is a process! It’s not a one strike kills all, it’s a journey. You need to give yourself the time and space to work through your insecurities, one at a time. It would be fantastic, don’t get me wrong, to have a once off hit of dealing with insecurities and never having to feel them again, but that would take away a part of our humanity. Instead of trying to ‘Fix yourself’ , why don’t you approach it in a way to ‘Heal Yourself’?
We are not broken people, we are not in bits and pieces on the floor (although sometimes it certainly does feel that way), we are whole beings! And in our whole beings are the experiences from our past, because without them we probably wouldn’t be where we are today. Included in our whole beings is everything that we might not like about ourselves or our experiences so far, but also included is everything we love about ourselves and all the amazing memories we have made. There is nothing to ‘fix’ as such, but rather a few open wounds that we need to tend to in order for them to heal.
Sometimes our healing is instant and sometimes it takes awhile to rehabilitate ourselves back to full functionality. It’s in that journey, it’s in that process of the work on ourselves that we can learn to grow and prune ourselves, prune back all the insecurities, all the bad memories, and allow new fruit to come forth on your branches of life, allowing you to produce beautifully sweet wine…
I hope that this helped in someway combat what you’re facing, but remember it’s not a one size fits all type of thing. We will always be faced with insecurities throughout our lifetime. We could be fine for years and in a moment a very ancient insecurity could rise it’s ugly head, but the beauty of this process is that when it does decide to creep up on you, you will have done the work to equip yourself with the weapons you need to battle it and put it to rest once again! You’re a warrior, you know… you just got to believe it!
With love and strength your way, Illuminare x